Disclaimer: I wrote this in the spring of 2013. I remembered it today because I’ve been mulling over leaving Taiwan and wondering about the reasons behind it. Some of the same reasons that propelled me, back in ’13, to leave Spain. This piece is cheeky and somewhat taking the piss, so keep that in mind, dear and ever-understanding reader.


It’s not you, it’s me. You’re just too….nice.

Today, I was staring at green hills and red roofs, out the window of a silent car packed with my Spanish co-workers, when I came to a sudden conclusion.

Spain is kinda dull.

What a pretentious, disgusting statement, right? I know how I sound.

Yawn, this endless supply of cheap, so-good-it-hurts wine and historical cities that hold treasures from times my American brain can’t even fathom is just soooooo not thrilling anymore. Uggg, chorizo AGAIN? Enough of your fine meats, Spain!

Maybe this is what happens when you travel too much. You become numb to the wonders of the world. It could be the never-ending rain and gloom that covers Santiago de Compostela fucking with my head. Everyone knows you throw some sunshine over a place and BAM, I’m content. I think the truth of it is that Asia ruined me.

I was taking children on weird tours of ginseng museums, singing in noraebangs (or singing rooms) at 8am with drunk Koreans, and having young Korean boys take pictures with me because of my blonde hair and tell me that my skull had a nice shape. I hung out in temples doing martial arts and somehow, ended up trying to survive swimming a raging river on what was advertised as a “river walk”. Things were weird, thrilling, and downright so insane that sometimes I was like WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE.

Fast forward to Spain, where life is easy, the food is good, I hardly ever work, nor am I expected to discipline, and bathrooms don’t look like they were created before man became civilized. Spanish men are not some version of a suave and seductive Javier Bordem, as I was disappointed to find out, and are mostly obsessed with wine, football, and themselves. I’ve never met a more persistent breed of man in my life. You don’t even need to give them an inch for them to take a mile. I am surrounded by boys who become amorous with me after ten minutes, decadent food and drink, and proper living situations. Yet, I find myself searching for an exciting hell over a dull heaven.

Europe is like this really sexy guy that you know is going to satisfy you, mentally and physically, but after a bit, you are feeling TOO sated. Enough pasta and wonderful foreplay, I’m gonna go hook up with Asia!! Yeah, Asia is a bit dirty and not so attractive at first, but you never know where this dude is going to take you. It’s a roller-coaster, where at its height, you are screaming for more of this wild thing you have never experienced and on the lows, you want to get AWAY from this freaky shit. Be normal for once, Asia!!

I’d be an idiot not to love the many countries of Europe. Its got some of the most gorgeous places in the world, the parties are mad, and the people, intelligent and kind. It just doesn’t scare me anymore and that’s a problem. I’m planning a trip to Croatia and Hungary and I honestly feel like i’m planning a trip to the grocery store.

So yeah, I’m going to Croatia. Just gonna travel up that whole beezy. Then hop on a train to Budapest. Naw, I don’t know what I am doing there. It’ll be great though. I should probably bring sunscreen.

I’m spoiled. It’s too easy and normal for me now. What a prick I am. The obvious answer is to return to Asia where I question what exactly is moving on my plate and I can’t read or understand any of the signs around me. Maybe I’ll get lost and have to hitch a ride with some guy who’s on a scooter, with a rooster, and end up in a bar drinking the worst alcohol I have ever had in my life.

Oh, Europe, I know I’ll miss you, but you treat me too good. Time to return to the arms of that unpredictable lover, Asia. Even though he’s such a dick.


4 thoughts on “Break-up Letter to Europe

  1. I think its a bit silly to do this comparison. Europe, Asia, Africa – its all as mad as you make it. You can go to India and stay on the safe side, or go to London and be in mortal danger 24/7, its a matter of the fine details. Personally, one of the most life-threatening situations I’ve been in was when hiking in Belgium. Belgium for God’s sake, the most dull country in the world (according to some). I think Europe is on par with everything Asia can throw at you. Like, go to Ukraine or Georgia and probably you can’t read a word on the signs around you. Guys on scooters with roosters? The Bulgarian countryside is full of them. I don’t want to sound like Yoda or Don Juan (the Carlos Castaneda Don Juan), but it’s, like, all in your mind, you know?

    • Completely true! We all make our own experiences. I’ve had some wild times throughout Europe, but when I wrote this, I had become stuck in a rut, in my small city in Spain, and was itching for something totally out of the ballpark. Reading it again now, I obviously could have moved to another city, or for that matter, country, and felt more excited. I even could have tried to look at that small city with fresh eyes. Hindsight is everything 😉 But, I wrote it to be a bit silly and I still find it entertaining, albeit somewhat laughable, so I posted it up.

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